May 31, 2022
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Culture

How To Become A Billionaire

In just three easy steps that are guaranteed to work (...or not)

So you wanna be a billionaire 💸💸💸💸💸

Here’s how to become a billionaire in just three simple steps that are ~guaranteed~ to work. Or maybe not. 

Time is money baby, so let’s jump straight into it 🕳️ 

💰 Step 1 - The first thing you’re gonna want to do is inherit a shit ton of generational wealth from your parents <3 

44.2% of billionaires inherited some or all of their wealth. 

Call your parents or any old folk you’re related to and ask them: are there any billions of hidden wealth hanging around that I don’t know about? 

If they say no, boo! Onto step 2. 

💰 Step 2 - Become a millionaire first

You don’t just wake up with billions. You’ve got to get your first million or two together.

Believe it or not, we wrote a whole article providing your very own millionaire retirement plan. Check it out. It basically involves:

💵Taking up your employer on a 401K

💵Working on your personal savings (Cleo can help with this)

💵Saving $400 a month 

💵Investing wisely and letting compounding returns do the hard work 😎

You’re on track to retiring with a milli in the bank. 

But a milli isn’t even close to a billi…

Let’s put this into perspective. 

If you worked for $1,000 every single day and you didn’t spend a cent, you’d be working hard for around 2,740 years.

Or consider it this way: if you earned $5000 a day and you worked every day from the time Christopher Columbus sailed to the Americas in 1492, you would still not be a billionaire today.

It’s an insane amount of money.

Meanwhile, 38 million Americans live in poverty, 78% of workers live paycheck to paycheck, and half of all American families can’t afford basics like food and rent.

Which means you're going to have to adjust your moral code.

Step 3: Become a psychopath 🙃

Since it’s impossible to earn billions of dollars the old-fashioned way -  unlike becoming a millionaire - most billionaires make a good chunk of their wealth at their workers' expense.

Worker productivity is up 70% since 1980, yet wages are up only 11%.

Workers’ share of income is going down while corporate profits are going up. To make matters worse, billionaires are actively profiting from the crises that are plunging millions of people into extreme poverty. 

e.g. Ahem Jeff Bezos whose net worth increased by 67% during the pandemic, capitulating him - literally - to space, while those on earth suffered from the financial burdens of the plague.

 Jeff Bezos rose from the ashes of this shitstorm like a majestic, exploitative phoenix 🐦

Summer Fire GIF by America's Got Talent
via GIPHY

Trying to go to space rn is like seeing your apartment building is on fire and being like (fire hydrant in hand) ‘sorry guys, I’d love to save you and totally could, but I’ve had this spa date booked for weeks,’ then sauntering off.

 And the fire was somehow paying for the spa weekend. And the spa is on Mars. 

But at least billionaires bring innovation, right?

No one would have any incentive to make anything new, like Tesla cars, if there wasn’t a reward, right?

There is a huge difference between being a multi-millionaire, a billionaire, and a multi-billionaire. 

It’s super hard to imagine these differences. Wealth, shown to scale does a great job of helping to visualize them. 

The site also explains that the richest 400 people could:

👶 Pay maternity and paternity leave to every American for the next 100 years

💰 Give $10,000 to every American household

🩺 Eradicate malaria worldwide 

🏥 Wipeout all of America’s delinquent medical debt 

🚰 Provide access to clean water and toilets to all humans

And all of them would still be billionaires. 

So there's still plenty of incentive for innovation, even if some of the wealth was redistributed. In this light, billionaires actually hoard wealth. 

On a smaller scale, Jeff Bezos could give every single one of his 876,000 employees a $105,000 bonus and he’d still be as rich as he was at the start of the pandemic.

Or on an even smaller scale, he could simply increase the minimum wage to the extent that it would cover rent and healthcare, with some leftover to enjoy             👁️👄👁️

Increasing people’s general quality of life could theoretically increase innovation from the ground up. Idk about you,  but I don’t feel the most innovative after a long, underpaid shift of manual labor. 

Because when you’re paid minimum wage, life becomes harder. You have less free time, and less time to recover. Your body is exhausted. You can’t afford healthy food. You’re stressed, which is scientifically proven to impair cognitive function (whether brain is able to do thing) 🧠

Sadly, the closest we got to billionaires sharing was when Elon Musk promised to give $6 billion if the UN could prove it would end world hunger, the UN provided the plan, and Elon Musk just… didn’t do anything. 

So what do we do?

So what we’re saying is: eat the rich (for legal reasons this is a joke). 

No, we’re sure there are some billionaires who aren’t psychopaths. What we’re saying is that despite what grind culture and hustle culture say, you’re not a failure for struggling to amass wealth in a system that’s rigged against you. 

If you’re struggling to save any money at the end of the month, you’re not alone.

Most of us are out here learning about money the hard way. But with some solid money management skills, most people can build enough wealth to be financially independent during their lives. 

There is hope. And predictably, we're going to try shill you our money app.

Our ai budgeting app is pretty great for getting on top of your finances. 

Cleo can help you live within your means, manage bills and build your credit score. 

Even put you on the path for millions.

Plus, because she’s not a regular money app, she’s a ~cool~ money app, she’ll even roast you if you really need it 🔥  

Enjoy this post? Def give it a share or send it along to a friend. You never know, it could make a big difference. And of course, if you want to try the best money app in the world for free, just hit this link right here.

Big love. Cleo 💙

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